The Journey We Didn’t Plan – Conclusion – taken from the diary of Nechama Spielman

diary Nechama Spielman
Diary of the anguish and terror permeating the planet called Cancer

So it goes, until April. The last treatment for  the cancer providentially comes out exactly on Yigal’s birthday, the second of Nissan (April). One more little note from Hashem (G-d) showing us that He is holding our hands.  Simply and unceremoniously, the old birthday links up with the new birthday, as we plead to live and rejuvenate and truly grow…

Enveloped by parents and all the loving siblings, who have surprised us and come, we take leave of the room that has become so familiar to us over the last few months. Together, we emotionally sing, “Even behind the tough things that you go through – I am standing there.” There are no mistakes in the world. Even when it is concealed from our view – we are being closely watched and cared for…

Waiting for one last operation. They prepare us for a relatively simple, minor operation, as compared to what we’ve already gone through. Again, we are in Shaare Zedek, excited, excited that we are nearing the longed-for end. The operation goes smoothly and we come home. This time, the recuperation is very slow. To be more precise, we should say that it continues to this day. Suddenly we understand that the anticipation of a clear, sharp end, one that leaves no scars, may end in disappointment.

pr Chananya Chollak
Rav Chananya Chollak, International Chairman of Ezer Mizion

As always, Ezer Mizion’s Donald Berman Rehab Center is at our side with psychological help in coping with this new wonderful but unfamiliar reality. Practical help of every type is available to us via Ezer Mizion’s many divisions, all under the supervision of Rav Chananya Chollak, its founder and the paradigm of caring .

We understand that “regards” from the journey may well continue to accompany us from now on. There will be annual tests…This, too, is for the best – so that we shouldn’t forget, so that we shouldn’t get used to this gift of life, so that we should continue praying, needing, being close. Otherwise, how quickly we are in danger of letting it be forgotten from our hearts.

Our position vis a vis Hakadosh Baruch Hu (G-d) is complex. It combines two different states of mind. They are delicate and entwined; you cannot have one without the other. One aspect is the prayer that King David prayed to Hashem: “My G-d, do not take me in the midst of my days.” There is such a thing, that a man pleads for his life – I want to live! Give me more life… I’ve barely reached the halfway point. How I want to live!”

And the second is – to bow the head, to put oneself in Hashem’s hands, to hand your life over to Him. You know that you are in His hands, that He is the One who allots life to every being. And every single thing has its time. A good time. One that is perfect for him. The first state of mind makes unflagging efforts, acts, pleads. The other is quiet; it lets go, gives itself over. You agree not to know, not to understand, not to hang on, but instead, to rest in Hakadosh Baruch Hu’s (G-d’s) arms, like an infant upon his mother, and to ask with love, prepared for any reply.

We are privileged to recount the kindness of Hashem, who dealt with us kindly and sent us a cure. He gave us the chance to continue living in this world. We were privileged to have a very close dialogue with Hakadosh Baruch Hu (G-d). A life-shaking dialogue. We were privileged to understand with the utmost intensity just how transient we are. And that is what we want to remember, not in fear and terror, but with a happy heart. To utilize the days we were given here in order to live, to be, to experience, and not, G-d forbid, to fritter away the opportunity…

Our Father, our King, You sent us to this world so that we would grow in it and from it. Help us be written in the Book of Good Life. Not just “Life,” but a “Good Life.” Because man can live in this world and entire lifetime, without ever really living.

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